Introduction to Aerus MLM Compensation Plan
Hey, remember that episode of The Ren and Stimpy Show that ends with Ren the angry chihuahua descending into madness? I guess that is every episode, isn’t it? Let me be a little more specific. Remember that episode where Stimpy keeps inventing pointless things, and Ren get angrier and angrier (of course), and then at the end, Stimpy invents the Happy Helmet, and Ren puts it on while Stimpy plays a record of the song “Happy Happy Joy Joy”? Ren goes from grouchy to happy to delirious to maniacal to the far frontier of totally whacked out crazy on the border of happiness and anger, until he smashes the Happy Helmet in a catharsis of anger so pure that it might as well be pure happiness.
Of course you do. Every millennial except those with the strictest parents remembers The Ren and Stimpy Show, and the “Happy Happy Joy Joy” bit was, hands down, its most memorable sequence. I don’t think a year has gone by since that show first aired that the song did not run through my head at least once. The show did such a great job of using its crude animation style to represent Ren’s madness. The more I think about it, it is a wonder that I have never mentioned “Happy Happy Joy Joy” or The Ren and Stimpy Show on this blog before, but this Aerus review, more than any other multilevel marketing (MLM) business opportunity review I have written for this site, warrants being introduced by a Ren and Stimpy shout out. I say this for several reasons, most notably because of vinyl records like the one Stimpy uses to unleash the recorded strains of “Happy Happy Joy Joy” and because now, more than at any other point thus far in my quest to review every MLM company known to man, I understand how Ren felt during the third verse of “Happy Happy Joy Joy.”
I am writing this Aerus review from the living room of my brother Brian’s house. Brian is at a vinyl record show, buying more vintage discs to add to his sizable collection. I agreed to babysit his offspring on the condition that he agree to write an MLM review when I ask him to do so. Brian’s wife Grace is with him at the record show, not because she herself collects vinyl records, but rather (as far as I can tell) for the sheer amusement of finding out what state of madness the children and I are in when she and Brian come home this evening. At the moment, my nephew Ethan is napping, and my niece Emma is sitting on the other living room couch, watching cartoons on her iPad. She takes after her uncle Brad when it comes to being a couch potato. Since I sat down to research the Aerus business opportunity in order to write this Aerus review, she has watched at least three episodes of The Littlest Pet Shop. Its sunny pop confection of a theme song plays at the beginning and end of every episode, and already I feel like my cranial nerves are beating each other silly with sledgehammers. I have a new found respect for mommy bloggers, daddy bloggers, and stay at home parents of all sorts. I want to apologize to my parents for that road trip where my brothers and I sang “Happy Happy Joy Joy” all the way from home until we reached the Tennessee border.
But don’t worry about me. Brian and Grace should be home soon. As soon as they arrive, I am going to call the other Brad, who is my business partner in Notebook Crazy and various other ventures of ours, and ask him to meet me at a bar, where we will proceed to drink beer as though it is the only substance the human digestive system can tolerate and speak in strings of expletives. Goodfellas contains 296 f-bombs in 145 minutes. On a day like today, I think the other Brad and I can beat that. Easily.
Aerus: The Company and Its Products
Before the babysitter cancelled and Brian called me to babysit his offspring, I was doing preliminary research on this Aerus review. Since Aerus products are vacuum cleaners, I saw fit to read as much as I could about the history of the vacuum cleaner, and I started at Wikipedia, which is where most autodidacts of my generation begin their research when they need to get up to speed quickly on a particular topic. I was expecting to find out that vacuum cleaners were invented during or shortly before the 1950s, leading to a sharp decrease in the amount of time that the average woman spent doing housework each day, leading, on the one hand, to “the problem with no name” to which second wave feminism was a proposed solution and, on the other, to housewives just twiddling their thumbs, vulnerable to being recruited for MLM schemes.
It turns out that Aerus products have been around longer than that, and they were not even the first vacuum cleaners. If I recall correctly, vacuum cleaners go all the way back to the late 19th century. The earliest ones were enormous contraptions meant to clean big buildings like theaters. It took several horses to pull one. If you wanted to use a vacuum cleaner to clean an apartment, you had to leave the machine grumbling and churning in the street and feed the vacuum hose through an upstairs window. Meanwhile, vacuum cleaner operators received plenty of citations for causing a public nuisance, because the noise of the machines annoyed the neighbors and scared the dickens out of buggy horses that were passing buy. (Wikipedia did not explain this detail, but I can only guess that the horses that pulled the vacuum cleaner carts were made of sterner stuff.)
Modern vacuum cleaners, even the Roomba that reliably puts your cat in the mood to fight, are boring by comparison. That said, Aerus products are downright practical if we only compare them to other MLM products. If you do not have a magnetic blanket or a year’s supply of plankton juice or sachets of “pink drink” powder, you probably do not need them, but if you do not have a vacuum cleaner, you probably do need one. I lived in a frat house for a semester, and while it got very messy, it would have been even worse without a vacuum cleaner. The one we had was not 100% successful at removing the puke-encrusted confetti from a puke-encrusted carpet after a party, but it did a much better job than any other piece of MLM merchandise I can think of would have done.
Vacuum cleaners are not the only Aerus products. The Aerus website also lists air purifiers, water purifiers, and a device called LaundryPro, which connects to your washing machine and cleans clothes using cold water and without needing to add new detergent. (The Aerus website makes it sound like the LaundryPro continually recycles the detergent that is still on your clothes from previous washes.) I have to say, it’s a welcome change from the usual vitamin supplements, meal replacement shakes, and skincare products.
Of course, leave it to the MLM community to make big health claims about how allergens are hot on your trail at every turn, and about how the only way to be safe from them is by joining the Aerus business opportunity. There are Aerus reviews that start out with the usual MLM fearmongering about the allergens in your house. (I am not saying this to belittle the suffering caused by allergies and the allergens that trigger them. There are legitimate treatments for allergies and ways of avoiding allergens, but none of them involve MLM.)
The Aerus Compensation Plan
There is, in fact, a page called Business Opportunity on the Aerus website. Everything it says has to do with opening a franchise to sell Aerus products. It does not say anything about an Aerus compensation plan that follows the usual MLM business model. The Aerus website does not say anything about car bonuses or leadership levels named after gemstones. It certainly does not say anything about how you have to recruit new Aerus distributors in order to remain eligible for the rewards available through the Aerus compensation plan. There are a few noises and rumblings here and there on the Internet about people giving in-home demonstrations of Aerus products, but I was not able to find an Aerus compensation plan describing how a business based on demonstrating Aerus products in the homes of potential customers would work.
To put things in perspective, franchises have been shown to work. You have probably patronized numerous establishments in your lifetime that operated under a franchise business model. Some of the fast food restaurants where I worked in my first few years after dropping out of college were franchises, and all of them are still open all these years later. Show many any MLM business (not company, but business operated by a single MLM distributor) that has lasted that long. Franchising can be a long term career. MLM usually cannot.
Advantages and Disadvantages
- It is definitely a plus that Aerus products are vacuum cleaners and other household devices instead of the usual MLM merchandise, such as vitamin supplements, costume jewelry, and non-essential insurance products.
- The fact that the Aerus business opportunity hardly follows the MLM business model, if at all, is also a breath of fresh air.
- Even if the Aerus compensation plan involved autoship (I am almost sure it doesn’t), having a basement full of vacuum cleaners is less of a bummer than having a basement full of vitamin supplements.
- While Aerus products get points for originality, the question remains of how much money you can make selling the kinds of products it offers. Good vacuum cleaners and water purifiers last a very long time, and you only need one per household. (I read on the Wikipedia article that the longevity record for a vacuum cleaner is over 70 years. It belongs to a Depression Era device that finally sucked its last in 2008.) It seems much more practical to sell something that always needs to be replenished, such as food (it is only physically possible to eat enough food to keep you full for one day, at the most). Alternatively, you can sell big ticket items, like cars, where you need fewer sales to stay solvent. One sale lasts a long time. (If we are comparing this business model to food, let us think about the crocodile. If it eats a zebra, it does not need to eat again for a few months.) Besides, with items so big that people finance them, they sometimes trade them in and start over with new ones before they are finished paying them off. The point is, I can’t imagine your vacuum cleaner store drawing a crowd day after day.
You probably know that the MLM business model is a lot less viable than even the dumbest of Stimpy’s inventions, but franchising is serious business. I guess when I set about writing this Aerus review, I was seriously hoping that someone who has enough capital or enough credit to open a franchise would find this Aerus review, perhaps by Googling “happy helmet franchise opportunity.” That would make me really happy, but what would make me even happier is if some business savvy franchise hopeful found this Aerus review by Googling “quadruple crown diamond barf,” “invest in Bradonium,” or “Barry Lyndon college dropout rant.”
Don’t invest in the MLM aspect of the Aerus business opportunity. Save your pennies for a franchise. Better yet, learn search engine optimization (SEO) and write an interesting blog that potential business contacts can find just by Googling interesting things.
My brother and his wife are coming home soon. Schedule a call with me and tell me your worst babysitting stories, so I can tell them in case they start complaining about me being a lousy babysitter.