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Karatbars MLM Compensation Plan Review


Introduction to Karatbars MLM Compensation Plan

If you ever find yourself in need of something to ponder, consider that the English language, the very idiom you are using to conduct research about multilevel marketing (MLM) companies in order to figure out whether the MLM business opportunity your cousin is trying to convince you to join is a good investment, is actually related, either closely or distantly, not only to its closest relatives Dutch and German but also to the Romance languages (Spanish, French, Italian, Portuguese, and, surprisingly, Romanian), the Scandinavian languages, the Slavic languages of Eastern Europe, Greek, the Celtic languages, Armenian, Persian (Farsi), Kurdish, and many of the languages of northern India, including Hindi.  That’s right, most of the languages of Europe and many languages spoken in the Middle East and Central and South Asia all belong to one big language family, called the Indo-European language family.  Have you ever heard that Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, and Korean are the most difficult languages for native speakers of English to learn?  I am no linguist, but I have a feeling that is because none of them are Indo-European languages.

I first heard of the Indo-European language family during my quest to become the most knowledgeable college dropout in the history of the world, when I was reading about comparative mythology.  In the summer of 2003, I was working at Wendy’s with this guy named Trevor, who, despite only being a year older than me, was miles ahead of me when it comes to being a knowledgeable college dropout, and he and I used to talk about comparative mythology all the time when we were waiting for the bus after work, and, after I got a car that looked like it belonged on the Jalopy of the Month calendar, while I drove him home after work.  It blew my mind to think that there was one language and culture that went on to influence almost everything I had ever experienced, but Trevor acted like it was old news, even though he did still get a kick out of apocalyptic battles and the serpents and stuff.  I always liked Norse mythology when I was a kid, and I think every kid in the Midwest likes Greco-Roman mythology at least a little bit, but I never made the connections between the two sets of mythology.  I just thought that they both had sea serpents and thunderbolt-slinging deities because sea serpents and thunderbolt-slinging deities are cool, but it turns out that the myths of many of the ancient cultures that spoke Indo-European languages have a lot in common.

This is just one of my favorite myths that is found in several Indo-European cultures.  The myths of many ancient Indo-European cultures, including the Celtic, Baltic, and Indian ones, among others, as well as a good many cultures that spoke non-Indo-European languages, mention that the solar deity drags the sun across the sky on a chariot.  The sun and moon deities are also said to be twins in many myths that include mention of the sun chariot.

In Greek mythology, Artemis and Apollo are twin sister and brother.  Their father is Zeus, and their mother is Leto, the daughter of titans, which means that their birth made Hera, the wife of Zeus, very jealous, although the twins were conceived by the mere act of Zeus accidentally catching sight of Leto.  Artemis and Apollo are identified with the moon and the sun, respectively, and thus are sometimes called Selene and Helios, respectively.


But wait, there is an even more memorable version of this story.  In Norse mythology, the sun is personified as a goddess called Sol, who rides across the sky in a chariot pulled by horses named Arvakr and Alsvidr.  Her brother Mani, the moon, also travels across the night sky, but to say that the sun and the moon “travel” across the sky every day and night does not fully do justice to what Norse mythology says they do.  In Norse mythology, the sun and the moon do not simply travel across the sky at their own pace.  Rather, they flee across the sky, pursued by monstrous wolves called wargs, who will eventually catch and devour the sun and the moon at the battle of Ragnarok at the end of time.  (For those of you who have been reading Notebook Crazy and have been paying attention, yes, Ragnarok is the name sake of the e-zine Classic Rock Ragnarok, that I wrote in the late 90s.)  The warg that chases the moon is called Hati, and the one that changes the sun is called Skoll, the namesake of my childhood pet.

In 1902, a bronze sculpture was discovered in a peat bog in Denmark, and the sculpture is now on display in the National Museum of Denmark in Copenhagen.  It depicts a horse pulling a chariot carrying a large disc.  One side of the disc is plain bronze with patterns of indentations that may have been used as a calendar.  The other side is adorned with gold.  It is believed that the two sides of the disc represent the sun and the moon.

I know that there have been lots of uses for gold in human history, from the burial mask of King Tut to the pieces of eight coveted by pirates in the 17th century.  Gold was what gave Timbuktu its riches and Nubia its name.  If you live anywhere in the United States west of the Midwest, your hometown probably owes its existence, either directly indirectly, to one of the gold rushes of U.S. history.  For some reason, though, when I set about to research my Karatbars review, the golden artifact I thought of was the Trundholm Sun Chariot of Denmark, perhaps because it is so closely tied to one of my favorite Norse myths.  The truth is, though, that people have been using gold as currency and, generally, as an item of value, for thousands of years, and while have never actually had the thought “I wonder when someone is going to apply the MLM business model to the sale of gold”, now that someone has, the idea makes a lot of sense.  I am also pleased to announce to you that the gold in Karatbars products is not made to be ingested in tablet form or as part of a nutritional supplement drink.  (I cannot say the same about frankincense, another of the Gifts of the Magi, but you will have to read by Forever Green review to find out about that.)

Karatbars: The Company and Its Products

I know I am always grousing about how unremarkable most MLM products are, but I can say with certainty that Karatbars products do more than stand out from the crowd.  They rather shine like the sun when it is being pursued across the heavens by a hungry wolf, brighter than any bee pollen or any hologram stickers you can get from any other MLM company.  Karatbars sells customers the opportunity to invest in real gold, and it sells Karatbars distributors the opportunity to sell the opportunity to invest in gold.  When you hear the phrase “invest in gold”, you usually think of people buying gold by the ounce, which means that you have to be able to afford an ounce of gold in order to do it.  Instead, Karatbars sells gold by the gram.  Karatbars products are tiny gold bullion bars weighing between one and five grams, and they are sold mounted on collectible cards.  The company was founded in 2011 in Germany, so prices on the Karatbars website are listed in Euros, even when you select United States as your country.  The Karatbars business opportunity is currently available in 70 countries, but the company has plans to expand until it has reached all 194 countries that recognize gold ingot as currency.

There are two angles rom which Karatbars distributors can sell Karatbars products, and both are either genius or disturbing, depending on your perspective.  On the one hand, buying gold by the gram may appeal to people who want to feel rich, and while it takes a certain type of cynical businessperson to salivate like a hungry wolf every time he or she sees something that could potentially be sold at a markup to people who want to feel rich, small amounts of gold are a much better investment than some of the ridiculous things people buy to give themselves a taste of the charmed life.  On the other hand, Karatbars distributors can sell Karatbars products based on a sales pitch about how US dollars are fiat currency and will be useful only a kindling when the world economy inevitably collapses.  (One of the most interesting things I learned during my research for this Karatbars review of mine is that, according to other Karatbars reviews, people who use fearmongering about economic collapse as a tactic to sell gold are called “gold bugs.)  I personally find this kind of conspiracy theorist thinking unpalatable, especially because it tends to tie into other increasingly paranoid and misanthropic theories, but if that is how your warm market thinks and you think you can make the doomsday angle work, then who am I to scoff at someone else’s MLM success?

The Karatbars Compensation Plan

Oh, the fun you could have naming leadership levels in the Karatbars compensation plan.  Let’s see.  What would I name the levels of the Karatbars compensation plan if it were up to me?  I think I would name them Gold Dust, Golden Gram, Gold Bug, Goldilocks, Golden Fleece, Mansa Musa, and Croesus, but that’s just me.  Whoever wrote the Karatbars compensation plan clearly does not share my tastes in leadership level names.  The leadership level names are Bronze, Silver, Gold, and VIP.  How boring can you get?  And furthermore, what MLM company that sells gold has only one leadership level called Gold, and it isn’t even the highest one?  Why not measure leadership rank in karats?

The good news about the Karatbars compensation plan is that it is not overly complicated.  You just get profits on your sales, and then you get a bonus every time you recruit a new Karatbars distributor.  The bad news is that, according to some Karatbars reviews I have read, you have a binary downline team, which almost always means that you end up doing more work for less money.

Advantages and Disadvantages


  • It is much easier to determine the value of gold than to determine the value of other MLM products, such as lotion or handbags.
  • Even if your community is already full of MLM distributors hawking nutritional supplements, household cleaners, and cosmetics, you will stand out.
  • Buying small amounts of gold as an investment is one of the less silly ways I can think of to make yourself feel rich.
  • Small amounts of gold bullion are a great gift to give your friends on Talk Like a Pirate Day.


  • The product invites the use of scare tactics about economic collapse as an angle for selling Karatbars products.
  • Compared to other companies that sell gold by the gram and don’t use an MLM business model, Karatbars products are overpriced. They are a lot less overpriced than most other MLM merchandise, though.


I have to commend Karatbars for its originality.  I am no gold bug, but I must admit that having a basement full of gold bullion sounds like a lot more fun than having a basement full of fungus coffee.  I almost want to order a gram of gold each for my niece and nephew, so I can tell him in my best pirate voice that I am giving them the world’s smallest pieces of eight, and then see what kinds of things they choose to invest in when they grow up.  Something else I like about Karatbars is that it seems to be more about investing and less about blatant consumerism.



Want to give me an earful about how stupid I am for putting my trust in paper currency?  Schedule a call with me today so we can face off about the true meaning of wealth.


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