Introduction to TienDe MLM Compensation Plan
Well, this is a lovely situation isn’t it? Easter dinner at my parents’ house is never boring, but this year’s Easter dinner was quite the event. To give you some context, my career for the past eight years has been owning and operating my own businesses, either by myself or with my friend the other Brad, the co-founder of Notebook Crazy, and to put it mildly, some of these business ventures have been more successful than others. Last year, my parents and brothers teased me about how much fungus coffee has accumulated in my basement thanks to a multilevel marketing (MLM) business opportunity I had joined. (Holiday dinners in our family are always marked by copious teasing, and no one ever takes offense.) This year, the fungus coffee is still in my basement (that is a story for another day), but it is not what made this year’s Easter dinner interesting.
See, this year, a few hours before dinner, I was sitting in the living room with my laptop, researching my Omnitrition review for this site, while my mom was in the kitchen, getting the scalloped potatoes ready to go in the oven. I said, “Mom, what’s HCG?” and she indicated that it is not something that can be explained through the wall that separates the kitchen from the living room, and that I should come into the kitchen for her to explain it to me. She told me a lot of things that made me feel relieved that I am a dude, and we agreed that, if the readers of Notebook Crazy were going to find out about the wonders of HCG (she insisted), they would have to hear it from her, so while the ham and scalloped potatoes were in the oven, she wrote a paragraph about HCG and emailed it to me, and I pasted it into my Omnitrition review.
For the rest of the afternoon, I worked on my Omnitrition review while my mom took a nap, but the damage had been done. At dinner that evening, our earlier conversation about HCG, combined with the fact that my niece and nephew showed up right before dinner with Easter baskets full of candy and toys in the shape of eggs, Easter chicks, lambs, and baby rabbits, was putting my mom in the mood to discuss the miracle of birth. My mom and sister-in-law thought it was hilarious that I am so creeped out by the idea of pregnancy and newborn babies, especially since I really like kids once they are old enough to have a sense of humor.
I changed the subject by talking about Notebook Crazy, but then things really took a turn for the worse. My brother Bryce just had to ask how the bet that the other Brad and I made at his house on New Year’s Eve turned out. If you have been reading Notebook Crazy, then you know that I lost the bet, and in order to hold up my end of the bargain, I have to buy the other Brad as much diet Vernors as he can drink in my presence between the first day of spring and the first day of summer. My mom thought that was a great idea and declared that, unless I write a story on Notebook Crazy about Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) between now and Tax Day, the I have to take her to Mother’s Day brunch at the Crystal Ballroom at the Lerner Theater in Elkhart. If I do end up writing such a story on the pages of this blog, then this year’s Mother’s Day brunch venue is my choice. I asked her what ART had to do with anything, and she said I would know if I read her paragraph about HCG in my Omnitrition review. Now, you know me well enough to know that I am not the kind of guy who loses two bets in the same spring. If you have been reading Notebook Crazy these past few weeks, you also know that I am still a bit sore about losing out on the free dinner at Oley’s Pizza in Fort Wayne that the other Brad would have bought for me if I had won our bet, and thus I shall begin my TianDe review with the heartwarming story of Dolly the sheep.
A team of scientists at the University of Edinburgh, including Keith Campbell and Sir Ian Wilmut, had been working to clone an animal from a somatic cell taken from an adult animal. (A somatic cell is any cell other than an egg cell, sperm, or stem cell.) After 276 attempts which failed to produce viable embryos, Dolly the sheep was born on July 5, 1996. She was the first animal to survive to adulthood after being cloned from an adult cell. Dolly had three mothers. Her chromosomes were taken from a mammary cell from a Finn-Dorset ewe, and they were inserted into an egg cell from another ewe. The resulting embryo was transferred to her surrogate mother, the ewe that gave birth to her. The team that had cloned Dolly announced her existence to the media in February 2007, when she was seven years old. Despite her extraordinary origin story, Dolly was very much like any other sheep. She eventually became the mother of six lambs. Her firstborn, Bonnie, was born in 1998, and was photographed as frequently as one can expect with the offspring of celebrities. After that, she had twins named Sally and Rosie and then triplets named Lucy, Darcy, and Cotton. (I had heard of Dolly before, but I had not known about her progeny; I first heard of them when reading the Wikipedia article about Dolly as part of my research for my TianDe review. Contrary to stereotypes about the Midwest, I have not spent enough time on farms to know whether triplet births in sheep are an unusual occurrence, and Wikipedia did not specify.) Dolly lived six-and-a-half years, approximately half the life expectancy of a domestic sheep. She died from Jaagsiekte, a viral infection that causes lung cancer in sheep and goats. Jaagsiekte is one of the most common causes of mortality in sheep. After Dolly’s death, other frozen embryos that had been made from the mammary cells of Dolly’s genetic mother, where transferred to surrogate mothers. As of 2016, Dolly has four sisters, all of which have identical DNA to the original Dolly.
There. I win. Now I get to choose the venue for Mother’s Day brunch. I hope you like garlic knots, Mom.
TianDe: The Company and Its Products
Have you read about enough pregnant sheep for one day? Well, too bad, because this is my TianDe review, and if not for pregnant sheep, the TianDe business opportunity would not exist. The TianDe business opportunity has been available in Europe since 2012, according to a TianDe website based in Manchester, England. A TianDe website that styles itself “the greatest WordPress site in all the land” claims that all TianDe products contain sheep placenta, but the TianDe website based in Manchester, which is not too far from Dolly’s birthplace, begs to differ, at least on the latter claim. If all TianDe products were skincare products, this would not be so far-fetched, but the Manchester TianDe website lists a much wider selection of TianDe products, from Vitamin C, Tibetan herbs, and accessories to shower soap, chili, and (I kid you not) snake oil. Fortunately, when I clicked on the “chili” and “snake oil” categories, they each showed zero products. That is a relief, because, while I enjoy chili as much as the next guy, I guarantee that it tastes a lot better when it has not been contaminated with MLM. And everyone who has ever attended an MLM home sales party (quadruple crown diamond barf) or even posted in an alumni Facebook group from their high school knows that we definitely don’t need any more snake oil. It doesn’t surprise me at all to see MLM companies selling snake oil. What is surprising, almost disarming, is to actually see one of them call a spade a spade.
My searches to find out whether the TianDe business opportunity is available in the United States have turned out inconclusive. The Manchester TianDe website has an option to display the prices of TianDe products in a wide variety of currencies, including U.S. dollars.
The TianDe Compensation Plan
Neither the Manchester TianDe website, the finest TianDe website in the land, nor Google searches have yielded any trace of the TianDe compensation plan. Thus, I am left to imagine what the TianDe compensation plan entails. I certainly hope it does not involve MLM home sales parties where people test out sheep placenta products on their skin, because if someone invited me to one of those, I would actually barf instead of just joking about it. I was not able to find out how many TianDe products, if any, you have to sell in a month in order to maintain your active status as a TianDe distributor.
Advantages and Disadvantages
- When I actually found the prices in dollars, it appeared that TianDe products are less expensive than I expected them to be. Compared to supermarket skincare products, TianDe products are still overpriced, but the prices are quite reasonable when you only compare them to other MLM products. The “finest in the land” TianDe website even trumpets a bit about how sheep placenta is good for your pocketbook.
- The drop down menu Manchester TianDe website that lists all those different currencies has piqued my curiosity about what the currencies in all those countries are called.
- The entire first page of the 203040 series (anti-aging gels and such) of TianDe products on the Manchester website is listed as being sold out. I am not sure whether to interpret this as a good thing or a bad thing. I am in a good mood because I just won a bet and will spend Mother’s Day dressed in comfortable clothes and eating garlic knots, so I will list it in the “advantages” section.
- The TianDe website that purports to be based in Manchester, UK contains some decidedly un-idiomatic English (naming a category of products “snake oil” is just the beginning), which makes me a bit suspicious of the claim that it actually comes from the United Kingdom. Certainly, if the people who wrote this TianDe website were non-native English speakers in the United Kingdom, they could have found a British-born neighbor or hired an underemployed university graduate to proofread the site for them.
- Despite the many categories of products on the so-called Manchester TianDe website, all of them fall squarely within the scope of what most other “everything” MLMs sell.
I know that you are probably thinking that it takes a special kind of cad to make a bet with his own mother on a major holiday and then gloat about it on the Internet, but I assure you that this is nothing compared to the mistreatment that the first-degree relatives of people involved in MLM business opportunities endure on a regular basis. People who have gotten drawn into MLMs will pressure and guilt trip their parents and siblings into buying useless products or signing up as distributors when they have neither the money nor the energy to do so. They betray the financial plans they have made with their spouses. They squander their children’s college funds, leaving another generation ignorant and vulnerable to the snares of the MLM industry. To the authors of the so-called Manchester TianDe website, I salute you for actually having the courage to use the expression “snake oil”, if you, in fact, did so on purpose. To everyone else, stay far away from the TianDe business opportunity and every other MLM business opportunity out there.
If you promise not to tell me any stories about the miracle of birth, you can schedule a call with me, and I will tell you my secrets about making your Internet business profitable.