Introduction to Total Life Changes Compensation Plan
Gummy bears. Gummy worms. Gummy cherries, brilliant red and green like a microcosm of a department store Christmas tree, and delightfully soft and sweet. Gummy strawberries, just as red and green as the cherries, but even softer and sweeter. Gummy frogs. Gummy shark. Gummy alligators. (You know they are alligators and not crocodiles because of the round snouts, and also they tend to be a brilliant shade of teal blue that is hard to take seriously for a crocodile, even a gummy one, but somehow seems believable for an alligator.) Gummy peach rings. Gummy fruit salad, my personal favorite. Gummy coke bottles. Gummy root beer barrels. Gummy hamburgers. Gummy feet. Those gummy blackberries and raspberries covered in black or red nonpareil sprinkles, respectively.
What do all of those things have in common? They all contain gelatin. The only thing that could make the Midwestern culinary experience any more awesome than it already is would be gummy Vernors barrels. If there were such a thing as gummy Vernor barrels, they would contain gelatin, too.
But I digress. Not all gelatin containing foods are as tasty and as pleasing to the eye as the ones I have listed in the first paragraph of this Total Life Changes review. In the 1950s, there was this stuff called aspic, which was essentially unflavored gelatin, and people used to use it to make all kinds of hideous foods. They would make Jello molds out of aspic filled with vegetables or (Heaven forbid) seafood and serve them at cocktail parties. As recently as the 80s, people would serve Jello mold dishes at parties in the Midwest. These were usually fruit gelatin, which I quite enjoy, except they would ruin it by filling it with canned fruit or topping it with whipped cream, or sometimes both. I am told that “salads” in which gelatin is a main ingredient are still popular in Utah, which also happens to be the site of the headquarters or more multilevel marketing (MLM) companies than I care to think about, especially the ones that have their distributors sell nutritional supplements. I have frequently mentioned on this site that MLM home sales parties are a nightmarish experience, regardless of which MLM the host is promoting and what the host does or does not do to make you feel like the event is actually a party, but I can hardly imagine a worse MLM home sales party where you are first served canned pineapple chunks suspended in lime Jello and then strongly urged to pay upwards of fifty dollars for a box of coffee sachets that contains some kind of fungus that will make you lose the weight you gained from a diet in which Jello is considered a salad ingredient.
You know what else has gelatin? Marshmallows. That is why, in some supermarkets in Chicago and Detroit, neither of which is too far from here, you can find halal marshmallows. You probably don’t think of marshmallows as being a kind of meat, but since gelatin is made from the hooves of hoofed animals, gelatin and the marshmallows made from it can be halal just like meat can. This also means that marshmallows are not suitable for vegetarians, which is why my college girlfriend gave me a guilt trip for every gummy bear, Smore, and Rice Krispie treat I consumed during the two semesters we were together.
But it wasn’t always that way. In ancient times, marshmallows were made from a gummy extract taken from the root of the marsh mallow plant. The ancient Egyptians and the ancient Greeks used to make candies out of marsh mallow extract, although ancient marshmallow candies probably resembled Turkish delight more than they resembled modern marshmallows. Even Pythagoras, who, in his time, was arguably more famous for being a vegetarian than for his mathematical accomplishments, could have enjoyed some ancient marshmallows.
I was surprised when I found that out, too. Until I started researching this Total Life Changes review, I had never known that the word “marshmallow” could refer to anything other than the fluffy white things you make Smores out of, much less that “marsh mallow” could be two words and that it is the name of a plant. But there is in fact a plant called the marsh mallow, and it is an ingredient in many nutritional supplements, including Total Life Changes products. It is supposedly good for your mucous membranes, but that is not what interests me. The marsh mallow has beautiful white flowers with an exhilaratingly vibrant purple center. The center of the marsh mallow flower is about the same color as the entire petals of the common mallow flower, which is also an ingredient in Total Life Changes products. According to Wikipedia, the mallow is the namesake of the color mauve, but “mauve” does not do justice to the color of these flowers. Rather, if I were to pay tribute by laying a bouquet of flowers outside Paisley Park, I would choose the flowers of the mallow and the marsh mallow. They are just about the only flowers I have seen that have just the right color scheme.
Total Life Changes: The Company and Its Products
Total Life Changes products are nutraceuticals. They do not really have a flagship ingredient; their ingredient list is more like a grab bag of the kinds of ingredients you often find in nutritional supplements, such as ginger, chamomile, myrrh, and spirulina. I just chose mallow and marsh mallow because they are too beautiful to ignore and because I do not think I have ever given them a shout out in any of my other nutraceutical MLM reviews. One of the Total Life Changes products is something called Chaga, which has as its main ingredient Siberian chaga extract. I could have dedicated the introduction to my Total Life Changes review to reminiscences about battling my brothers over Siberia when we played Risk: The World Domination Game, but then I found out that chaga is a fungus, and the less said about MLM fungi, the better.
Of all the Total Life Changes products, the one that seemed to draw the most attention in the Total Life Changes reviews I read while researching this Total Life Changes review was Iaso Tea. It contains ginger, marsh mallow extract, persimmon, blessed thistle, myrrh, and a number of the usual suspects among MLM ingredients. Total Life Changes reviewers describe it as a “cleanse” tea. If you have ever read any of my MLM reviews before, or even if you just ended up on this review through an accident of SEO, such as by Googling “gummy alligator gummy crocodile” or “Pythagoras at Paisley Park”, you can probably guess that I am not a fan of herbal cleanses, as, indeed, I am not.
The Total Life Changes Compensation Plan
When I looked on the Total Life Changes website for a copy of the Total Life Changes compensation plan, the closest thing I found was a clickable button that said “join now”. When I clicked, it prompted me to enter more information. This is a big red flag, as far as I am concerned. Even people who are less jaded and cynical about the MLM industry in general than I am will tell you that you should never join any MLM business opportunity until you have had a chance to read the compensation plan document thoroughly. I did eventually find a video about the Total Life Changes compensation plan. It was posted on the website of an independent Total Life Changes distributor. One of the things that immediately stood out to me about the Total Life Changes compensation plan is that is uses binary structure in structuring your downline team. To me, binary structure in MLM sales teams is yet another layer of the already copious red team that stands between MLM distributors and their income.
Advantages and Disadvantages
- The Total Life Changes website has the decency to describe spirulina, a main ingredient in IasoTechui, which is one of the Total Life Changes products, as “blue green algae”, rather than using a euphemism like “sea vegetable”, which is something that a lot of other MLM companies do.
- It appears that Total Life Changes distributors can sell Total Life Changes products through their own websites, which is an improvement over those MLMs that require you to sell nutritional supplements at home sales parties.
- The Total Life Changes compensation plan video I found had a pleasing green and black color scheme.
- Some of the Total Life Changes reviews I found said that the Total Life Changes website does not contain a lot of information about the Total Life Changes products. The Total Life Changes reviewers put this forward as evidence that the MLM component looms large in the Total Life Changes business opportunity and that customers are encouraged to buy Total Life Changes products from individual Total Life Changes distributors rather than buying them from the Total Life Changes website. I found that the ingredient lists on the Total Life Changes website are satisfactory, but it does raise a red flag that Total Life Changes reviewers have gotten the impression that Total Life Changes is more about the business opportunity and less about the products.
- Something tells me that the folks at Total Life Changes are not exactly masters of search engine optimization (SEO). The Total Life Changes reviews that rank the highest in Google search results are critical ones. With most MLMs, the opposite is true; the first few pages of results are spammy and meaningless reviews that sing the praises of the MLM but offer few details and, perhaps even more tellingly, have all the right keywords in all the right places. Furthermore, whereas most MLM reviews are filled with pushy MLM sales pitches (usually as rebuttals to specific complaints earlier in the comments section), the comments section of several of the Total Life Changes reviews I found consisted in large part of prospective customers asking, with apparent sincerity, where they could find a Total Life Changes distributor from whom to buy Total Life Changes products.
- The fact that the Total Life Changes compensation plan is not clearly posted on the Total Life Changes website raises red flags for me.
- Generally speaking, people do not have money burning a hole in their pocket, and even when they do, nutritional supplements are not their first choice of where to spend it. Total Life Changes products are just not special enough to justify the price, and I predict that it will be very difficult to sell them.
The best thing about placebos is how little they cost. You can make a placebo out of anything. Take something you already enjoy, and enjoy it while truly believing that this thing will improve your health. Eat a gummy raspberry and savor every raspberry red nonpareil. Gaze upon an exhilaratingly purple mallow flower. Chew a piece of that ginger gum that you can sometimes find for sale right next to the cash register at newsstands, or, my personal favorite, inhale the fizz from some Vernors. You don’t need Total Life Changes products in order to get the placebo effect. There are plenty of things around you that can make you feel motivated to live a healthier and more productive life. Almost all of them cost less money and less hassle than joining the Total Life Changes business opportunity.
Did I miss any of your favorite gummy candies on my list at the beginning of this Total Life Changes review? Likewise, are there even more revolting gelatin salads that people used to eat at parties in the 50s than I know about, and will I regret asking if you tell me? In either case, schedule a call with me, and we can shoot the breeze about foods that contain gelatin. While I have you on the phone, I can tell you about how I built a successful Internet business and how you can follow my example to do likewise.